Uncle Si's "Cliff Bowyer" still cracks me up

 

He that hath no beard is less than a man

BEATRICE
Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's
sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst
cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none.
LEONATO
So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.
BEATRICE
Just, if he send me no husband; for the which
blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and
evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a
beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.
LEONATO
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
BEATRICE
What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel
and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a
beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no
beard is less than a man: and he that is more than
a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a
man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take
sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his
apes into hell.

-- Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Scene I.

Man On Ledge Reluctantly Chooses Turkey Bacon Sandwich With Fries Over Suicide

Hey! Turkey and bacon works for me.

He wanted to live!

Story here:

An officer trained in crisis-intervention began talking to the man, who said he was hungry. Police then procured French fries and a turkey and bacon sandwich from the nearby Hotel deLuxe. The man apparently wasn't overwhelmed when presented with the sandwich. Hull said, “I think at one point he said he wanted a cheeseburger, but beggars can’t be choosers." Police were eventually able to convince the would-be jumper to walk away from the ledge and eat. 

Si Robertson: "There's 20 million people in the world. And I'm supposed to know about one?"

Si Robertson goes a little si-cho about not knowing who Clint Bowyer is in "Drag Me To Glory", Episode 12, Season 2, November 28, 2012 broadcast of Duck Dynasty.

That's funny, Jack!