Benny Hill's parody of Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones may be the greatest rock send-up of all time

 

Happiness is Apache by The Shadows, one of the best-selling singles of the 1960s

 

Happiness is Benny Bell's McCarthy and McGinnis

 

McCarthy is dead, McGinnis don't know it McGinnis is dead, McCarthy don't know it They both lay dead on the very same bed But neither one knows that the other is dead.

Before he died, this fellow McCarthy One Saturday night got drunk at a party He took a swing at Officer King The next day he carried his head in a sling.

McCarthy was always good to his wife He had to be so, or I pity his life Although she was only half his size She'd jump on a table and scratch out his eyes.

On Saint Patrick's Day he was there A shine on his shoes and oil on his hair He wore a green jacket and really looked swell With a genuine shamrock in his lapel.

One day he was taking his wife to a dance A dog took a chance and snapped at his pants McCarthy got angry and started to sneer Then lifted the mongrel and bit off its ear.

He drank like a fish, he ate like a savage His favourite dish was corned beef and cabbage He fought like a tiger, he hit like a mule And boy could he knock off a good game of pool.

McCarthy and Mister McGinnis next door Could never agree, they were always at war Said he to McGinnis, "The day when you die I'll buy everybody a strawberry pie."

Said Mister McGinnis to Mister McCarthy "You may be tough, and healthy and hearty But if you don't shut up and behave You'll soon be asleep in a seven foot grave."

One stormy night, they met in the hall To settle their argument once and for all Now one used a shovel and one used a rock And both were in heaven at seven o'clock.

So McCarthy is dead but McGinnis don't know it McGinnis is dead and McCarthy don't know it They both lay dead on the very same bed But neither one knows that the other is dead.

Trump tariffs make even middling Italian-sourced extra virgin olive oil out of reach for average Americans

 I ran out of this olive oil a few weeks ago. I had shepherded my three liter can over the winter to make it last. I paid $40 for it, now it's $55.

Fuhgeddaboutit.

 

 

You'd shriek too if it happened to you

 

 

 

Tick season comes early to Ontario, Canada

 

Ex-McDonald's employee opens car dealership on Pennsylvania Avenue

 

The new Trump Sandwich, now popular in Canada

 

Happiness is a succinct visualization of the enduring attraction of liberalism

 A liberal suddenly becomes a conservative after getting mugged on the street. Why is there no law and order, he wonders. We need to hire more cops.

But the mugged conservative gets arrested for his own mugging by mistake, and becomes a libertarian in self defense, wondering how the law could be so incompetent as to deprive the victim of his freedom!

Then, however, the arrested libertarian loses his job because his employer finds out about the arrest, and so he becomes a liberal again because of his boss' ignorant prejudice.

But wait, there's more!

At this point the liberal hits on a novel solution. I'll start my own business, he says, that'll show 'em! I'll be the master of my own destiny!

But once faced with all the insane regulations and restraints on his business activities, the liberal, longing to be free of them, becomes a libertarian again.

He's very successful despite all the problems, and eventually marries and has a bunch of kids, who promptly turn him into a conservative again because he wants children who will behave themselves.

Unfortunately they don't, getting into one scrape after another. The medical bills start rolling in and the conservative realizes he needs help paying them or he's not going to turn a profit!

He decides to ask the government to help him with all of those bills. It's unfair, he tells himself, when he has to pay them all by himself when he pays more in taxes than most people do, at which point the conservative has become a liberal again.

 

Happiness is Roberta Flack, may she rest in peace

 “I always say that ‘love is a song’ — meaning that music reaches beyond age, race, nationality and religion to touch our hearts”.

Quoted here. 

Elon Musk: "Just put wheels on it and call it good" lololol

 

And I woke up humming this for some reason today

 Happy landings on a chocolate bar!

(don't let the sickos in the comments ruin it for you)

 

I keep hoping February will turn funny at some point, but so far I've got nothing

 

Fats Domino wanted to hold your hand long before the Beatles did: In July 1959

 

By the time I finished this story I was yawning and ready for a nap

 

 The people who only need five hours’ sleep: Why a rare genetic mutation could be the key to boosting productivity and living longer  

 

By the way, that should be "need only five" not "only need five". 

 

English. The English should try it!

Happiness is how now you see it

 

Christmas is finally over

 

There is an odd similarity between 5 minutes in football and 5 minutes to get ready for a date

 

"Stitch by stitch" by Jesse Welles is the best thing I've heard in a long while

 

 baby come quick i poured us two fresh doses it occurred to me yesterday evenin this could jus be yer psychosis drownin me drownin you baby what's a soul sailor to do you were always a poet you jus didn't know it the whole worlds a boat i'm gonna row it plant yer cool seed watchin it grow and believe in me cus i need ya to know it life has a line i'm gonna toe it the truth is a horn we all gotta blow it there's a river of joy I'm gonna float it there's a hole in my soul i'm gonna sew it baby stitch by stitch

 moses come quick i found another tablet god don't teach he jus stays out of reach and gets annoyed when i try to grab em drownin me drownin you Moses what's a soul sailor to do you were always a poet you jus didn't know it the whole worlds a boat i'm gonna row it plant yer cool seed watchin it grow and believe in me cus i need ya to know it life has a line i'm gonna toe it the truth is a horn we all gotta blow it there's a river of joy I'm gonna float it there's a hole in my soul i'm gonna sew it Moses stitch by stitch

 ahab come quick I got a funny notion it's a hell of a whale but I wish this fish would jus stay down in the ocean cause it's drownin me drownin you captain what's a soul sailor to do you were always a poet you jus didn't know it the whole worlds a boat i'm gonna row it plant yer cool seed watchin it grow and believe in me cus i need ya to know it life has a line i'm gonna toe it the truth is a horn we all gotta blow it there's a river of joy I'm gonna float it there's a hole in my soul i'm gonna sew it baby stitch by stitch

I made this salmon with spinach creme sauce for Christmas Eve and it was a big hit

 Also very easy to make. I will do it again.

I made substitutions because I didn't have the exact ingredients: my own tomato sauce for the cherry tomatoes which made the outcome redder, half & half instead of heavy cream, and since the tomato sauce was made with basil I omitted the chopped parsley.

The recipe is very adaptable.