Don't Even Think About Dying For Your Country

"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

Patton (1970)

"I Sees The End What Were The Start"

This ain't one body's story.
It's the story of us all.
We got it mouth-to-mouth.
You got to listen it and 'member.
'Cause what you hears today
you got to tell the birthed tomorrow.

I'm looking behind us now. . .
. . .across the count of time. . .
 . . .down the long haul,
into history back.
I sees the end what were the start.
It's Pox-Eclipse, full of pain!
And out of it were birthed
crackling dust and fearsome time.
It were full-on winter. . .
. . .and Mr. Dead chasing them all.
But one he couldn't catch.
That were Captain Walker.
He gathers up a gang, takes to the air
and flies to the sky!
So they left their homes,
said bidey-bye to the high-scrapers. . .
. . .and what were left of the knowing,
they left behind.
Some say the wind just stoppered.
Others reckon it were a gang
called Turbulence.
And after the wreck. . .
. . .some had been jumped by Mr. Dead. . .
. . .but some had got the luck,
and it leads them here.
One look and they's got the hots for it.
They word it "Planet Earth. "
And they says, "We don't need
the knowing. We can live here. "
"We don't need the knowing.
We can live here. "
Time counts and keeps counting.
They gets missing what they had.
They get so lonely for the
high-scrapers and the video.
And they does the pictures so they'd
'member all the knowing that they lost.
'Member this?
Tomorrow-morrow Land!
'Member this?
The River of Light!
'Member this?
Skyraft!
'Member this?
Captain Walker!
'Member this?
Mrs. Walker!
Then Captain Walker picked them
of an age and good for a long haul.
They counted twenty, and that were them.
The great leaving.
"Rescue party departed
at first light. . .
. . .led by Flight Captain G.L. Walker. "
"May God have mercy on our souls. "
They said bidey-bye to them
what they'd birthed.
And from the nothing
they looked back. . .
. . .and Captain Walker hollered,
"Wait, one of us will come. "
"Wait, one of us will come. "
And somebody did come.
Walker!
We's heartful to you,
Captain Walker.
We's ready now. Take us home.
We kept it straight!
Everything marked, everything 'membered!

You kept it real good.
You ain't been slack.

-Why are we waiting?

-That ain't me.
-You got the wrong guy.

-Quit joshing!
-Catch the wind.
-We got to see Tomorrow-morrow Land!
Home! Tomorrow-morrow Land!
There were places like these.
Cities.
They were called cities.
They had lots of knowing.
They had skyscrapers. . .
. . .videos and they had the sonic.
Then this happened.
This Pox-Eclipse happened, and it's
finished. It isn't there anymore.

-- Mad Max 3

Lady Gaga's Getting Ripped Big Time

Here:

"Weird Al's Farts Have More Talent Than Lady Gaga"

(source)

Weird Al Parody of Lady Gaga: I'm Really Not Insane, I Just Perform This Way

Video here. Controversy here.

Weird Al's lyrics, perhaps the pinnacle of his career, expressing the Olympian height of his powers:

My mama told me when I was hatched
Act like a superstar
Save your allowance, buy a bubble dress
And someday you will go far

Now on red carpets, well, I'm hard to miss
The press follows everywhere I go
I'll poke your eye out with a dress like this . . .
Back off and enjoy the show!

I'm sure my critics will say it's a grotesque display
Well, they can bite me, baby, I perform this way
I might be wearin' Swiss cheese or maybe covered with bees
It doesn't mean I'm crazy - I perform this way

Ooh, my little monsters pay . . . lots 'cause I perform this way
Baby, I perform this way

Ooh, don't worry, I'm okay . . . Hey, I just perform this way
I'm not crazy, I perform this way

I'll be a troll or evil queen
I'll be a human jelly bean
'Cause every day is Halloween
For me . . .

I'm so completely original
My new look is all the rage
I'll wrap my small intestines 'round my neck
And set fire to myself on stage

I'll wear a porcupine on my head
On a W - H - I - M
And for no reason now I'll sing in French
Excusez-moi, Qui a pete?

Got my straight jacket today, it's made of gold lame
No, not because I'm crazy - I perform this way
I strap prime rib to my feet, cover myself with raw meat
I'll bet you've never seen a skirt steak worn this way

Don't be offended when you see
My latest pop monstrosity
I'm strange, weird, shocking, odd, bizarre
I'm Frankenstein, I'm Avatar
That's nothing too embarrassing
I'll honestly do anything
But wear white after Labor Day
'Cause baby, I perform this way!

Hope you won't think it's cliche if I go nude today
Don't call the cops now, baby - I perform this way
No reason I should regret all the attention I get
I'm not completely crazy, I perform this way, yeah

I perform this way - hey,
I perform this way - hey . . .
I'm always deviating from the norm this way - hey
I perform this way - hey,
I perform this way - hey . . .
I'm really not insane,
I just perform this way - hey

Video from the Grammy Awards.

Positive Waves!

"Kelly's Heroes"

"Crazy. I mean, so many positive waves,

maybe we can't lose. You're on."

-- Oddball

Today's Forecast: 81 Degrees in GR, and Uncle Kracker!

We made 84!

Videos here and here.

Catch That Crazy, Happy Disease!

With Uncle Kracker, here and here.

The Bedford Incident

Commodore Schrepke

This is insane!

Captain Finlander

Now don't worry, Commodore. The Bedford'll never fire first. But if he fires one, I'll fire one.

Ensign Ralston

Fire One! 

Analyze This

                                 VITTI
                   You know, Doc, I don't think I
                   ever thanked you properly for
                   curing me.

                                 BEN
                   We don't say 'cured.' We say you
                   had a 'corrective emotional
                   experience.'

                                 VITTI
                   You, you, you're very good.

                                  BEN
                           (pointing)
                   No.   You. You.

Radioactive Salmon?

The Vancouver Sun provides this discussion of the possible impact of the Fukushima nuclear plant disaster on Pacific Ocean salmon:

Radioactive water leaking from a reactor at Japan’s damaged nuclear plants isn’t likely to harm [British Columbia] salmon because they don’t travel as far as the coast of Japan, said Nancy Davis, deputy director of the North Pacific Anadromous Fish Commission.

“They tend to go to Gulf of Alaska, the Bering Sea, or maybe as far as the central North Pacific, but they are not maturing off Japan and swimming all the way back here,” Davis said. “Immature and maturing salmon are in the deep ocean, they’re not on the Japanese shelf or near the nuclear plant.”

She said it’s possible that Japanese chum salmon might be in the waters near the damaged plant, but that they would not be returning to Japan for another three or four years. Japan mostly produces chum salmon, which Davis said is very unlikely to be imported into British Columbia.

Davis said it is important to consider what elements are involved and what their half-lifes are, and how the salmon would come into contact with the radioactive materials.

Another [Simon Fraser University] professor said he could not say what the effects on salmon would be.

“Given the limited information available, I cannot even speculate about the effects of radiation leaking into the ocean. It is far too early to say anything with any confidence,” said Randall Peterman, SFU professor and Canada research chair in fisheries risk assessment and management.

For the rest of the article, which also discusses radioactive contamination of seaweed, go here.

We eat a fair amount of wild Alaskan salmon in our house, and will continue to do so.

Sage Breakfast Sausage

When you feel like a heartier breakfast than usual, sage breakfast sausage patties fit the bill, served along with the customary Saturday morning griddle cakes and maple syrup. A delightful harmony of flavors!

The following dry mix recipe seasons 1.25 pounds of ground turkey, preferably Jennie-O brand:

Sage Breakfast Sausage Seasoning Mix

1 tsp. salt

.75 tsp. pepper

.5 tsp. dried ground sage

.5 tsp. dried thyme leaves

.125 tsp. dried rosemary (that's 1/8 tsp. for those of you in Rio Linda)

1.5 tsp. brown sugar

.25 tsp. ground nutmeg

.25 tsp. ground cayenne

.25 tsp. red pepper flakes

Pulse all ingredients in a coffee grinder until combined and ground, then stir into the ground meat using ye olde potato masher in a large mixing bowl.

Form into small patties using a form or by hand and fry in a cast iron skillet in a little canola oil, four minutes on a side.

Makes about six patties, which can easily be halved for twelve servings. Freeze the leftovers.

Ba da bing, ba da boom.

Homemade Glass Cleaner Recipe

Homemade Glass Cleaner

5 oz. distilled or filtered water

5 oz. isopropyl alcohol (purity varies; I use 99 percent, but 70 percent works)

2 oz. clear ammonia

Mix in a sprayer bottle and use like "Windex." Comes in handy when the tomato sauce splatters the stove top. 

Clay Pot Boule Bread

I used a lead-free and cadmium-free clay pot, which was a very thoughtful gift from a kind soul of Christmas past, and made the basic boule dough recipe from Hertzberg and Francois:

1.5 T kosher salt

1.5 T yeast

3 cups lukewarm water

6.5 cups unbleached all purpose flour, scooped and swept

About one third of the dough was placed in the pot to rise to the top, and baked at 350 degrees F for one hour. We ate it for lunch. Another third was tried similarly, but baked for about 45 minutes at 375 degrees F. The results were similar, pictured below, for our hosts this evening.

Happy New Year!

Microwave Popcorn, Without the Perfluoroalkyls

Gender-bending perfluoroalkyls are in the news, here, stating how the chemical is showing up in human blood and warning about the possible health problems it may cause.

These compounds are found in non-stick cookware, microwave popcorn bags, and fast food packaging, among other things. The story has a link to a list. Evidently the compounds show up in your blood because they leach into the food under heat.

So, popcorn lovers, here's a technique we've been using to save money, but may also be healthier because it uses a simple paper bag.

"Home Made" Microwave Popcorn

.25 cup popcorn kernels

1 paper lunch bag (roughly 5X3X10)

Fully unfold the bag and add the kernels to the bag. Fold the open end over tightly about a half inch and crease. Repeat one or two times. 

Set the bag on its side in a microwave with a turntable and shake it to distribute the kernels evenly over the bottom. The rolled up end should be facing down.

Cook using the popcorn "sense" setting and open immediately when it's done and empty into a bowl to stop the cooking at once.

You may have to experiment depending on the features of your microwave so as not to start the bag on fire! It's never happened to me, and I never re-use the bag, but be forewarned and watch what you're doing.

Add melted butter and salt as desired.  

Lazy Peasant Bread

Usually when I make the European Peasant Bread recipe from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois, I make all the loaves right away, one in a greased non-stick loaf pan and two in greased Pyrex loaf pans, and freeze them after slicing. Why? Because I'm a lazy bum and those are the only pans I own, and I need bread to make lunches in a hurry most mornings.

I like their version baked on a stone with water steaming beneath in a broiler pan, but I'm also adapting the recipes to satisfy the sandwich tastes of a ten year old, not the artisanal desires of his dad. But even at that, the high moisture dough method is still hard to handle without the refrigeration step, and dividing the mass into two, let alone three, is not easy.

So I got to thinking. Why not use a different type of pan, a big one, and bake a giant loaf? Since the lady of the house makes the pizza every Saturday in four cast-iron skillets of varying size, I asked myself why not bake the bread in my greased 4 quart cast iron dutch oven by Lodge?

Another stroke of genius, I dare say. The bread popped out of the thing after the requisite 35 minutes at 450 degrees F looking like a cake! And the really cool thing is you have wonderful crust, but less of it, just perfect for sandwiches for a youngster.

The recipe requires 1.5 T yeast and 1.5 T salt, dissolved in 3 cups lukewarm water in the bowl of the KitchenAid Mixer, to which you add .5 cup whole wheat flour, .5 cup dark rye flour, and 5.5 cups unbleached all purpose flour, using the scoop and scrape method to measure. Once it's all in, I let the mixer work at it for five minutes on setting two, after which you can plop the whole thing into a well-greased camp oven or dutch oven and let rise for an hour or so, covered with a thin flour sack dish towel, and bake.

The result is pictured below. Enjoy!

On Barbecue

"A term used in the West Indies for dressing a hog whole."

     -- Samuel Johnson's Dictionary 

Oldfield, with more than harpy throat endued,

Cries, Send me, gods, a whole hog barbecued.

     -- Alexander Pope

3-ALARM BBQ SAUCE

Why pay for store-bought when you can make your own? This recipe, adapted from Lonnie Gandara's 365 Great Barbeque & Grilling Recipes (HarperPerennial, 1990), has been a "go-to" for me for years because it is simple, good and easy, with just four ingredients: ketchup, maple syrup or honey, garlic and cayenne pepper. And it is adjustable for heat: you start with 1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper for the basic recipe, and ratchet it up by up to three more 1/4 teaspoons to a full teaspoon for a blazing three alarm fire, as you like it. The garlic and the sweetness can also be adjusted to taste.

You can use the sauce to baste in the traditional manner in the last fifteen minutes of grilling. The more the "sweet" in the sauce, the more the caramelization which will occur.  Or serve it alongside your grilled pork, beef or chicken to add that extra special zing, for example, on a hamburger. It works great too mixed in with the grilled and slow cooked pulled pork for sandwiches, which is on this year's 4th of July menu.

3-Alarm BBQ Sauce

1 cup ketchup (Heinz organic is our ketchup of choice)

3 T pure maple syrup (or honey)

1 T minced garlic (three large cloves is our preference)

1/4 to 1 t cayenne pepper (we like 3/4 t total--red pepper flakes can easily be substituted by grinding a quantity in the coffee grinder and spooning out the desired amount)

Add the garlic, cayenne and maple syrup to the food processor or blender, and puree. Add the ketchup and combine. Use immediately or store in the refrigerator covered for up to a week.

Buckwheat Yogurt Oatcakes

For about two months, I've been avoiding wheat on most days. Saturday night pizza has been the only exception. Otherwise I'm relying on less grain in the diet overall, using oat bran and oats as before but in smaller quantities, substituting brown rice pasta and corn tostadas for wheat pastas and wheat flour tortillas.

There's reason to believe that wheat is a major contributor to small LDL, which in its turn is suspected as a prime culprit in cardiovascular disease. The usual cholesterol panel you get at your annual physical tells you absolutely nothing about particle size, and doesn't even really measure LDL. It's a calculation, not a measurement.

So when I got the results of a special blood panel back in 2008 and found out my supposedly pretty good cholesterol numbers revealed many small LDL, I started to look into the subject more deeply. Most interesting has been the clinical work of a Milwaukee, Wisconsin, cardiologist named William Davis. His book, Track Your Plaque, has interesting dietary recommendations which frequently dovetail with the super foods menu. And his blog keeps us up to date on all the latest developments. I'm looking forward to my next blood test when we'll see if my small LDL particle count has gone down.

Eliminating wheat isn't easy, especially if toast, sandwiches and wraps, tortillas and pasta play a large role in your diet. And Saturday morning pancakes! So here's a recipe I love, in moderation, which the lady of the house adapted from "Whole Wheat Buttermilk Pancakes" by Marcia Beachy in the More-With-Less Cookbook by Doris Janzen Longacre.

Buckwheat Yogurt Oatcakes

.5 cup plain fat-free yogurt

.5 cup 2% milk

2 T canola oil

1 egg

.5 cup buckwheat flour

.5 cup oat flour

1 t baking powder

.5 t baking soda

.5 t salt

1 T ground flaxseed

1. Combine the yogurt, milk, oil and egg in a bowl and whisk together.

2. Combine the dry ingredients in another bowl and whisk in the wet ingredients for about a minute.

3. Fry on a lightly oiled griddle.

Makes about eight pancakes.

New Year's Eve Broiled Curried Shrimp

This recipe is adapted from "Florence Fabricant's Grilled Cumin Shrimp" in The New Basics Cookbook by Julee Rosso and Sheila Lukins. That recipe uses, among other things, 1 t. ground turmeric, 3/4 t. ground cumin, and 1/2 t. ground coriander per pound of shrimp. I didn't have enough turmeric to use that combination, so I substituted a sweet curry powder from Penzeys Spices for all three to good effect. For hot curry lovers, that works splendidly, too.

Broiled Curried Shrimp

4 T unsalted butter

2.25 t sweet curry powder

.75 t salt

juice of half a lemon

1 lb large shrimp, shelled and deveined

1. Place an oven rack in the top position and preheat the broiler on high.

2. Melt the butter gently in a saucepan. Stir in the curry powder, salt and lemon juice and mix thoroughly.

3. In a shallow broiler pan arrange the shrimp in a single layer and pour the butter mixture over the shrimp. Toss to coat.

4. Broil about eight minutes, rotating the pan 180 degrees after four minutes.

Serve the shrimp with the sauce next to some rice with some steamed broccoli spears for a very easy, very colorful, very fast and very good meal worthy of a holiday, or any day.